Saturday, August 6, 2016

Society Di Maa Di!

A Sunday morning walk is tiring. It shouldn’t be tiring, but for lazy people like me it indeed is. I was with a friend who was on a weight loss mission. I simply wanted to do something new hence for a change had accompanied her by sacrificing my beloved morning sleep. The only thing I wanted was a good breakfast and then run back home to make up for the lost sleep. But my friend was in no mood to get back home. Given an option she wouldn’t have returned back home that day. And the reason was pretty weird. She told me her Bua (aunty) had come for a few days and she cannot stand her. She gets on her nerves and drives her crazy. When I looked at her face I could know something was actually disturbing her.
“Dude, what happened?” I asked her. She nodded her head twice and then said “She is weird. Everytime she comes she makes my life hell. I am 25 and I am still unmarried and it is a crime according to her. She says there is something wrong with me hence I am not married. The other day she even told dad that he shouldn’t have let me do MBA after engineering, the more you educate a girl the more tough it is to find a guy. Can you believe that? She keeps finding faults in me and reasons why I am not yet married. She says something is definitely wrong with me.” “Well, something is definitely wrong with your Bua, not you,” I said.   

Something was seriously wrong with her thinking process. I wondered how she could even say that. My friend, who is well educated, works in a very good company, has a good sense of fashion, very much chilled out and a transparent person and most importantly was ready to get married. She was ready for a relationship but that doesn’t mean she would blindly rush and settle down for any tom dick and harry. I absolutely didn’t find anything wrong with her. She seemed way more normal than me. But she was termed defective only because she isn’t yet married. Hello she is just 25!! But then you cannot really have a control over your aunties and uncles. It’s like the sole objective of their lives to make your life hell. Is our society that sick? Are we supposed to judge someone on the basis of their relationship status? But apparently it is something very big and important. After a certain point of time it isn’t just the jobless relatives or your parents but your friends also start worrying about your relationship status. They might try to hook you up with someone or the other and mostly fail miserably. And you might be blamed for being choosy or setting really high standards. But then you don’t really settle down with anybody just for the sake of settling down, right? Just because someone desires you doesn’t mean they value you. It is totally okay not to rush into a relationship. But your friends are way better in dealing with your relationship status than your horrible relatives. They want you to be with someone for your sake unlike the stupid people you encounter at family gatherings mentally harassing you with “when will you get married?” This section of people has no idea about you or your life. They never have a positive contribution in your life, they are least interested in the real you but highly concerned about your marriage. These are the people who make you anti social in every family function. The next time you meet such a person tell them you are gay, and ask them to find you a partner. Watch their reaction, laugh and run away. I don’t think they will ask you to get married ever again.

Someone told me relationships are like a hit and trial process. You have to keep hitting and trying till you click with the right person. And I don’t give chance to guys. I am basically stupid or my standards are high. Chance? Is this CA exams? Chalo koi naa is time na sahi agli baar fir try karenge. I wonder how people have time and energy for a hit and trial process. I don’t believe in catching up a sunset with someone who wouldn’t be around to view the sunrise with me. It is a matter of personal choice. And sadly we never believe in respecting other people’s choices. We all have our right to choose the way we want to live, with whom we want to live and nobody has the right to judge us for being us. It is pretty reasonable, isn’t it?

Few months back a lady called my mom. Her nephew is really handsome. And her current job is to find a “nice girl” for him. Someone had mentioned to her that I am pretty, fair and slim. Hence she was hoping I would marry her handsome nephew. So this was the definition of nice girl? Someone who doesn’t even know me, has never seen me in her whole life believes me to be nice on the basis of the above factors that she heard from some other person. So basically she was searching a nice girl who would last till 30. I have been told and I have heard that our generation doesn’t understand relationships. But what about the generation, that defines a nice girl on the basis of her looks? We do understand that looks won’t last forever. Still why do people term a good looking girl and an educated guy as nice? Is it the criteria for finding a partner? Anyway my mother made some excuse and hung up the phone. But I found it really weird. The lady didn’t say anything bad, but she flaunted about the fact that the guy earns so much with an MBA from US and he is so good looking and he belongs to a rich family as well, and hence his family doesn’t care if the girl is doing anything in life or not so far as she is good looking. They just want a perfect match, a doll basically for their perfect son. This would be an insult to any normal woman. A woman is not just about the way she looks, she is so much more than that. I am not being a feminist over here. I do agree even a man isn’t all about his IIT, IIM degrees or a NRI status, he is so much more than that. I believe the most important criteria for finding a partner should be compatibility and understanding. There will be ups and downs in every marriage and you can only stick to each other if you have that compatibility and understanding. But again I belong to a generation who have no understanding about a relationship or marriage. Yes, I agree we are impatient, we don’t compromise much. We easily move out of a relationship and term it as being practical. We are scared of commitment mostly. Honestly, many of us don’t believe in the institution of marriage. But then it is a personal choice. My dad once told me that our generation doesn’t believe marriage to be a religious institution anymore. The reason was the alarmingly increased rate of divorce cases. I agree relationships don’t come with a guarantee to last forever. It is uncertain. But then if you really want to be with a person forever, it will work out or atleast you will give your 100% to make it work. But it would happen only if you want it to happen. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if people marry because they want to be married and not because the society wants them to marry or just for the sake of getting married? And when someone isn’t happy in a relationship and wants to walk out of, it is their decision and they have every right to decide what is good for them. Maybe today’s generation isn’t much bothered about “log kya kahenge” or the so called judgemental society and they tend to do what they feel is right for them. I am not supporting divorce but this might be a reason why it’s easy for us and not for the previous generation.

The worst part about our society is that they harass you with “how much did you score?” throughout your childhood and then when you grow up they kill you with “why aren’t you married?” The only people who get affected are our parents. We don’t bother about it but our parents do.” People ask, people talk, we are tired of answering, we live in a society, we have to answer them.” Age plays an important part. There is supposed to be an apt age for everything. Sorry? Sure we should draw timelines for everything. There is an age for education and there is an age for marriage. Who decided this age? There is an apt age, it is pre written. My maggi noodle hasn’t till date cooked in 2 minutes whereas it is written all over the packet that it cooks in 2 minutes. Then how do you expect me to get married as per your pre written apt age? And lastly do you have an apt age for death as well? No right? I mean yes, it is pre written indeed, but not by the society. Then who gave our society the right to define us by our relationship status? Age shouldn’t be criteria to estimate a person’s maturity. One should marry when one is ready for a relationship and marriage. One should marry when one wants to. It doesn’t matter if the person is 21, 25, 32 or 45. It is a personal choice. Then comes the problem of not finding a nice guy or girl, because all the good ones will be taken.  But what is the guarantee of finding the right man or woman if you marry early? The other day a friend of mine called me up and shouted over the phone “Men are dogs!!sorry dogs are loyal.. I didn’t mean to insult dogs..”  I thought maybe her boyfriend cheated on her. Then I remembered she was single.  And then she told me the whole story. A guy who was pretty senior to us was so called in love with her long time back. My friend never even talked to him. And the guy is now happily married and is blessed with a baby. As per every social networking site he has a happily married life. But our hero isn’t perhaps satisfied with his wife and baby. He has been calling up my friend all the time and sending cheesy messages. And once he ended up standing near her house the whole night.  My friend did remind him many times that he is married and is a father as well. But he replied “so what? I married for the sake of my parents and many other people who wanted me to. That doesn’t change the fact that I love you or that doesn’t change my feelings for you. I am always concerned about you.” My friend replied “keep your concern inside your pants, and F**K OFF!”  Apparently his concern is too deep.  We both were sad for his wife and his baby and wished he hadn’t married anyone at all. But like he said he had to, for the sake of people around him.

 Marriage happens to be the greatest responsibility of parents. The whole family and the extended family would sit and convince you the need of a marriage. I am sorry I don’t mean to offend or insult anyone but there are more important things that you need to talk and discuss with your children. Have you asked them if they are ready for a relationship? For a marriage? Do they believe in relationships? Do they actually want to settle down? Do they want to have kids? Have you ever asked them what they want to do with their life? Where they see themselves few years from now? No, I am not talking just about career objectives, but life objectives as well. Do you know how many times did they get their hearts broken? Were they ever abused? Are they straight? Did they ever see a counsellor? 

The most important thing in life is to be a decent human being. It doesn’t matter if someone is single, divorced or even gay so far as they are decent human beings.

 It is important to understand that a woman doesn’t need a man’s surname to validate her existence. She needs to be somebody in life, not somebody’s. It is high time to come out of the fairy tale world. A prince wouldn’t come to your door holding a shoe that you lost, nobody is ever going to love you the way you want them to, nobody is going to read your mind every moment and bring the moon or stars from the sky. You have to learn to love yourself first. We all need to understand it first. Maybe it is a greater responsibility, to give a woman the wings that she deserves, than just marrying her off.  Spend some time in making your son learn to respect women. He should know when he is marrying someone, he is marrying an equal. He isn’t getting himself a cook or a house maid; he is getting himself a wife. Sadly patriarchy tells men that women are inferior. 
So dear society there is so much more to do than just waiting to marry off people and increase India’s population. Live and let others live.

Someone asked me “aren’t you scared of ending up all alone?” I said “I am more scared that I would end up with someone out of the fear of dying alone. I would like to end up with someone because I want to live with him, not because I am scared of dying alone.” And even Cinderella just wanted a night out and a good dress and the prince just happened.  ;) 

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