Sunday, October 27, 2013

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?

I woke up this morning all smiling. It was nothing, just a message. It did not make anything all right; it was just a small favour. A kind gesture that made me smile. It made me happy. Oh yea I love him!!

I wish I could keep a count on the number of times I dial his number and disconnect it just because my hands tremble and the number of times I tell myself “just relax and take a deep breath.” I cannot ignore the butterflies in my stomach when I think of him. And once in a blue moon when his name flashes on my phone ……calling my heart skips so many beats. The only time I felt my name sounds good was the only time I heard him call my name. Sometimes he speaks and I am lost. I don’t know if his words make sense I just listen to his voice and get lost in it like a 13 year old school girl.. Maybe now I know what it means when they say “he took my breath away.” I wonder if the blind winged cupid has shot his arrow at me. I ask myself of all people why him? Why fall for someone you are not supposed to? I never knew the answer would be so simple. It is him because of what and how I feel when he is there. It is about the smile that flashes on my face when I talk to him. It is about that one short minute happiness that makes me feel life is perfect.

I wonder if he would ever think about me..What if he never finds me? Then I just smile thinking about all those small little moments that made me happy. A silent tear wets my cheek and all I say is I chose to love you in silence for in it I find no rejection. I chose to love you in your loneliness for in it no one owns you but me. You are that part of my life which will never be anything short of a dream. I might never get the chance to be together with you but I am always happy that whatever memories I have of you will always be pure and untouched.

3 comments:

Bighnesh Ray said...

You are afraid to fall??Who isn't??Not to appear too 'Freudian', but fear of falling should not be a reason of not climbing, should it? Regret is worse than trial and failure. So go tell the lucky sod how you feel...and who knows, you might end up writing love letters and sonnets instead of blog... ;)

bisworanjan said...

i believe, who ever he is !! he is still there..go...tell...and hold his hand... :)

sonu said...

Yo! TeLL hiM :D remember someone gave me the strength to let go of my fear ;-)