Monday, September 10, 2012


I still remember the first time I gifted mom something on mother’s day which she actually liked and has preserved till now. I was eight years old then and I came to know about mother’s day through telekids which used to be my favourite newspaper back then. The first gift which she still preserves must definitely be special. It was a poem dedicated to her. I had written it myself.  Today if I see that I am like “haha” I was a kid I used sparkles colours everything to make it look beautiful, but what my mom found beautiful was my piece of writing. Since then I have never written any poems dedicated to anyone other than myself :-P  With time the handmade cards n poems were replaced with archies cards and gifts. I am the kind of person who can spend her whole month’s salary on a single day just to buy someone special a birthday gift, even if that meant I have to survive with a loan later. But even that never impressed my mom. (Though I am not employed and don’t get a salary for the time being you can say it is my stipend or savings) With time the gifts became better and better but every time she would just say thank you and the same dialogue “ all I want from you is that type of poem that you wrote for me once .” For the last 14 years perhaps I have been listening to the same thing “why didn’t you write me something?” Even the best of bags and shoes didn’t make her happy. I can’t say she was not happy but definitely it was never the best gift she expects every year whether on her birthday or mother’s day. She does not like the stuff written on an archies card because she knows I did not write it. But how can I write a poem like that? I am no more an eight year old kid? But then she must be expecting me to write even better. With the present state of mind if I start thinking of writing a poem on mom it might start with something like
My phone A/C    Dr
         To mom’s bank account
(purchase of cell phone for me)
I am sure nobody on earth would want to read such a poem except for CA articles :-P  And to some extent I feel shy. I mean cmon she is my mom she knows I love her why do I need to show that off on a piece of paper. For an eight year old it is always easier to pen down her thoughts and express her love in words for someone she loves. But once you grow up don’t you feel shy? I really can’t write stuffs like roses are red sky is blue blah blah blah...and I love you... With time I might find a bit awkward to say I love you mom just like that but my mom does not. She would keep saying “you people won’t understand a mother’s love concern.”  My brother’s reaction “stop watching star plus soaps” and my reaction lol!! There was a time when a good night kiss was a must thing for me. I would kiss her good night and mom was forced to do the same. I don’t know when this trend stopped. Maybe the day I became nocturnal. And whenever I left home whether for school, college or anywhere a goodbye flying kiss was must. But I clearly remember when this thing stopped, since the day I joined office. Why? Maybe because I never really leave home I actually rush to my office. The only thing that my mind would be occupied with is hell is waiting! She is the person who gets up daily at 5am just to make sure I have my breakfast and I take something along to eat. I slog from 6am to 8pm these days which includes my 4 hours classes and it scares her more. Back home she would always say you don’t have to over work you can leave this..That is something I am never in a mood or condition to listen to.  Sometimes when I am asleep or am trying to get up from bed almost pissed off with everything she would hug and kiss me saying you work really hard. Thank God someone notices.
                 It is true I argue the most with her as I am as short tempered and impatient as she is. There might be times when I don’t apologize for the way I retorted back but that does not mean I don’t care or I am not sorry. I know I can never be like her. I still remember the week when she was out of station and I sort of had to manage the house, trust me it is a herculean task.  She might not always support me with my decisions but she never compelled me to do things her way or impose her opinions on me. She has always let me live my life the way I want to. Anyways this is all I came up with when I tried writing a poem for her birthday. I am not sure if it at all makes sense. But this is for the person who I can run to at any moment of my life, the person whom I love the most, and who loves me unconditionally no matter what, though she loves my brother more than me . She might again tell me the same thing “you should have written something for me.”  And I guess I am not showing this to her. I might not have been the perfect daughter she might be expecting out of me but I know I love her the way a perfect daughter does. 

 Happy Birthday to the person who gave me the best gift ever – My life!!


sonu said...

YOu should show this to her :-)

The West Wind said...

Kanki.. This is an amazing post :) And I second Sonu.. show it to her. Its about expressing your feelings.. be it a poem or a prose or just mere sentences. I am sure she will be very happy to see this.

PS: Why do u think she loves ur brother more? I am sure it is not true.. mothers in our families dont really show their love for their daughters that often coz they wanna mold us into this impossibly perfect person.

Durgeshnandini Biswal said...

lovely sweethrt!
u spk my heart out!!
i'll make my mom read dis smtym sure!:)
keep up d good work dearie!